Can I just spend a minute telling everyone that shit is getting real. Everyone who knows we have to start playing our music weekly and standing in front of the whole class is starting to freak out a bit. Most of us started this venture trying to get over our personal body issues, anxieties, all that self hate shit that goes on in our heads. It is time to start facing those fears and it sucks!!!
The cheerleader that I am keeps telling everyone that they will be great and we will get through this together. And I'm not lying about it either. The thing is I am scared out of my wits about getting up in front of everyone this Wednesday. My personal reasoning is the critical eyes that will be one me while I do my thing. Some of the girls have these professional backgrounds in performance. And of course I don't want to let down the one who is making all this possible for us, our own teacher. She kind of scares me the most. It's like being a puppy seeking approval from your human. I want to learn all the commands and do things well so she smiles with true approval and not just trying to be nice. AHHHHHH!!!! This shit is hard ladies and gents.
Luckily I am not the only one freaking out about all this right now. I just need to start telling myself it's gonna be okay. Right now it doesn't feel okay at all. I just think my whole choreography is gonna suck and everyone is going to tell me that I need to change most of it. I like my song and I feel for my first dance and not being in dance for years that I am not too shabby, but when there is another dancer in the room who is probably twenty times better then you ever were kills me every time I think about it. When dancing as a teenager I hated doing solos just because I felt like everyone seeing me dance thought I sucked due to me thinking they were all better then me.
How to get over the little voices in my head is fucking hard.
On another note that is good. I broke my new shoes in last night in class and I am so happy with them.
Wish me luck people cause I face the fire starting this Wednesday.
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