First sewing class

So I took my first ever sewing class!!!!!!!!! I have never hand so wen anything before and I did it successfully. Let's just say in the past I was a fucking ass hat with a needle. But this past weekend I took a hand sewing class that was specifically geared toward making something just for burlesques reasons. I was taught with a few others by non other then my friend Sugar Shagmore.

Sugar happens to be a teacher and a performer so this bitch knows her business!!!

 

She took the time to show us what she had done and then began teaching us. Now I was the only fucking chic there who couldn't even sew a button on let alone covering a damn bra. I felt a little shitty when I first started out in the class, but over all by the end I felt accomplished.

 

Most of the other girls had brought fabric knowing what they wanted it for. I went to JoAnn's fabric that morning and picked out something that I thought was badass and it happened to be super nerdy.

That's right bitches I found awesome Start Trek themed fabric!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so excited in the kids section of the fabric store I didn't event bother thinking would this be good fabric to use. I just saw and said "Must Have It!" It isn't as easy to work with as I thought it would be and though it is more difficult to deal with because of the pattern and the fabric it is turning into an awesome bra. Now listen don't all going out looking for my fabric cause I want to do a ST themed number one day in the future and I don't want to hear how all the lovely bitches have the same damn thing.....just kidding I would feel as if I inspired you to be geeky and that would be an honor.

So we learned three types of stitches during class and the more difficult one seems to be my favorite one to work with. It is more time consuming but it's fun. I can't wait until it is fully done and I can randomly wear it around the house cause damn it I will and it will be fabulous.

This isn't a good pic but I had sown a good portion and I was super proud of me and sent pictures to Sugar of the whole process so she could see. I might have annoyed the shit out of her with all the pics I sent, but damn it I did it and she needed to see.

One cup down!!!!!!!

Talking with another noobie and all the faces!

First let me explain why I spell noob ice the way I do. I am first and foremost a nerd. When a new person who isn't as experienced as you gets into a game we dub the noobs. So I mesh my nerd self I to my burlesque self, got it? Okay good.

Onto the real point!!!!!!

So to help as a community it's member I clean the local burlesque studio on the weekends. I do it mainly because I want to help. Now yesterday I was met there by another burly peep who also helps the studio by doing social media. She wanted to take pics of me cleaning so me can post stupid shit like "look at our burly bitch clean" or something.  Any how's, she also runs a pretty cool blog about traveling and she recently started reading mine, yay me, and we got to talking.

Talking about faces, big scary music rises in the background while we begin our feelings, hah j/k. I said how I always look like I'm taking a dump when ever I try and do a sexy face and she said she looked special any time she did as well. I have even heard another friend tell me she was going back to just being cute after her current number because she can't pull sexy off very well.

What the fuck universe why does sexy face have to be so damn hard for some of us. We live in this age where technology keeps us always taking selfies and sending them to someone or for the lucky ones taking a provocative photo and sending it out. I began to think of how fucking dumb I would look if I tried to hike my short ass onto a bathroom counter and take some sexy pic of myself for another human. I mean really, I would look like I'm pooping in the sink. This is how I still feel about fucking sex face in burlesque and it's been almost a year damn it!!

I had a mentor once say that if it wasn't natural for you, you could train your face as if it were choreography and that it worked well. Tried that shit and in the end still look like I haven't pooped in days and it's getting close. It just feels ridiculous to contort my face in a way that it just doesn't want to go.  I've tried several times over the years and it has never worked. I had a boyfriend once who was trying to take sexy pics of me in my halloween costume and he was getting annoyed with me, because he would say "make a sexy face baby" and it would just look like I was staring off into lala land.

So my fellow noob and I sat laughing about how ridiculous we look trying to be sexy. It has made me realize though that my sexy shows through in my outrageous personality and the new found confidence I have. The faces I make help you smile back at me while on stage and in the end that's all that matters to me.

So glitter on bitches and if you make better sex face then me I just might make a fucked up goofy face at you one day ;-P

Vegas Article

Guess what lil performer was mentioned in an article??????

It's me!!!!!!!

The part that I am in fits me pretty well. I rehearse looking like a slob with my favorite sweats on and it shows that this art form is about accepting yourself. I like that! It also read a lot about shows around the entire city on and off strip.  Gotta love when burlesque is pointed out for its awesomeness!

Here's the article link if you'd like to take a look.

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Flvweekly.com%2Fae%2F2014%2Fmar%2F13%2Fzombie-striptease-fiery-performance-new-wave-burle%2F%23%2F1&h=LAQHLQZvL&s=1

Glitter on bitches!!!!!

Doing a burly parental rant!!!!!!

I have resisted in the past from doing this but yet again my son due to playing with a "gender opposite" toy was called a girl, AGAIN. 

Let me just paint a picture of my kiddo for you real quick. He is a tiny two year old. When I say tiny think the size of a one and a half year old, so yeah he is a petite little shit. He has big blue eyes, long blonde hair and is rough and tumble ALL the fucking time. He wears the typical gender looking clothes like most boys and same goes for his shoes, though being naked is his preffered state of attire, you'd think his mom likes to be naked or something. Now what he does have that many boys don't get usually are his unicorn pillow pets hanging out around the house that are purple and pink and his alligator baby who is always swaddled. He loves his baby and makes me diaper it and redo it's swaddled on the daily. He also likes bringing his baby on rides and ventures to the store from time to time with us. The last thing my son does that is unlike most little boys is he likes putting make up on him self and on me when given the chance. He likes to make mommy pretty and draw war paint on my face.

So being a parent who strips for fun my son is almost always in the bathroom with me when I am prepping for a show. When we are in the car either I'm rehearsing in my head or getting the feeling for a new number. Which means he has to listen to certain songs over and over again. This means I don't  play yo gabba gabba all day long he listens to my stripper songs instead. He watches me work on costume pieces by myself or with a burly friend. He takes many trips to the Fantastic Indoor Swapmeet, Hobby Lobby, Michael's, JoAnn's Fabric, and even random spots that I get my materials from. He hangs out at the Burlesque studio with me weekly and knows many of the burly faces I associate with. My kid is definitely a burlesque kid!!!

From the day he was born he was mistaken as a girl and 90% of the time I politely correct others while other times I just make a point to call him "lil man" infront of others so they realize he isn't a girl. Yesterday was a situation that sparked a bit of irritation while I stood with him in Subway. He was mistaken for being a girl because he had a baby!!!!!!!!!!!! Fucking really people. What if my son came out in public with a fan, which he plays with a lot due to me keeping them around when I'm getting ready to perform. Or better yet feathers from a costume piece I have at home? Because he uses items not normally accepted by society for boys he isn't considered a boy? As you can see this pings a fire in me I dislike greatly. He watches the drag being put on pretty regularly and he enjoys watching or partaking in putting on the drag as well, so it hurts and makes me angry to see that his tiny self  is constantly being called a girl. 

Being part of a world that relishes in standing for your own it kills me that so many out in the world take no consideration when seeing a small person. I live in a world where I am obsessed with male burlesque performers like, Billy Boylesque, The Evil Hate Monkey, Matt Fraser, The Stagedoor Johnnies, Sexy Rick, Banana Fosters, Tito Bonito, and so many more. These men show me that my son can be anything from one minute to another.  And that society standards mean nothing when it comes to creating an individual. Frankly I'm only a helper anyway and he creates himself by loving his baby, putting on make up, beating me up in a sword fight, and walking around bumping his fists saying "Hulk Smash!" 

I just wish people would be a bit considerate when it comes to realizing or just guessing what he is. I am not a parent who wants to use one of the newly acquired labels that are out there now. He is a boy his sex tells us this for now and only the future can tell us differently. 

Sp glitter on bitches and to all you burly moms keep raising fabulous kids!!!!!!! 

Prepping for a photo shoot

So in two weeks I have my very first photo shoot. I've been very excited and now am slowly getting nervous. Have I ever talked about me and sex face? Well I look like I'm trying to poop when I try, yup pooping face not sex face. I tend to be goofy on stage cause that is way easier. I've been unsuccessful with sex face my whole life so smiling and goofy face I stick with. Anyways, I'm getting distracted again....squirrel!!

Back to photo shoot. There was this awesome chance to shoot with Radiant Inc. So I was all over that shit. Now Radiant Inc has done amazing photos of Cha Cha Velour, Aya Fontaine, Shimmie G'alore, La Rosa Muerta, and many other beautiful babes of Vegas burlesque. So of course I'd also want photos by them.  I'm getting nervous now because I can't be serious. I have my two outfits picked out and am even getting my hair and make up done professionally so it actually looks good.  How am I supposed to take good photos if I can't even pose seriously and make good faces? Ahhhhhhhhhh....this whole face thing gets me every fucking time people!!!!! I practice making good faces but, poop face still seems to be the whole look. Who wants poop face? No body that's who! 

I'm breathing again,sorry. It just worries me that what ever photo is taken I'm gonna look like poop. I'm sure the awesome duo at Radiant Inc. will help me not look like butt. It's just a scary thing to realize that photos are gonna be taken of me where I am posing and not performing on a stage. Most don't know but I am fearful of the camera, I'm slowly getting over my fear due to always watching videos of me and seeing the pics people post from shows, but not completely yet. Not getting a lot of nice photos from some shows doesn't help. It makes me feel like when I'm up there what I do isn't photogenic and nothing they take is good. See fear here causing shit in my lil world. Damn you. Fear I will conquer you!!!!

Okay my freak out is gone now thanks for stopping by and reading my rant today ;-)

And here is ther website if you are interested in seeing their works http://www.radiantinc.net

Glitter on bitches!!!!

A letter to a lady

This is something I've been thinking of for about two weeks now based off of my interactions with an amazing performer. She is a local Vegas performer that many might have seen around the world and I have been lucky enough to share a stage with her now three times. Oh yah and I got serious about this after seeing her in a panda suit. So here we go!!

Dear Kalani Kokonuts,

To many of us new comers you are one of many who are the untouchables. We get scared to talk to you and just see perfection when you enter the stage. Recently over the past few months I have been able to share a stage with you. The first time I couldn't even talk to you because I saw a burly superstar hanging out backstage prepping to do her performance. I was with a fellow performer after the show who wanted to meet you and talk to you so I tagged along. I stood amongst great performers I didn't know and just watched like the geeky girl around the popular kids in highschool uncomfortable but happy to be around. As weird and childish as it may seem you didn't even talk to me but bought me a drink anyway that night.

The second time was during the first show that marked Live Burlesque in Las Vegas' 4th year at Boomers Bar and was the first show of the year. I stood in the back of the room and watched you do your thing and appreciated every moment of art you brought to the stage. After the show that night I went up to tell you how great you were, and I stumbled over my words sounding like a numbskull. But you were soft spoken and very kind to me though you had no idea who I was.

I was privileged enough to perform again on Boomers stage and share it once again. You asked for assistance and I gave it to you and then you spoke to me about my costume. Like a child, AGAIN, I smiled and couldn't say much back. Also I'm sorry for touching your cat suit before you performed. Lesson learned don't touch super shiney cat suits cause they may have oil on them :-/. And after the show you were once again super kind to me and even took a pic with me not hesitating though it clearly appeared you needed to be heading out. 

Now this last time I saw you perform I was there with several friends and one just happens to be a dear friend of mine who also is a performer. You didn't do burlesque that night and instead you sang. You have a lovely voice by the way and were very entertaining. My friend and I after the show had commented about how human you appeared on stage and the humility you were showing while singing. Most of us have only ever seen you perform perfectly so to see you like that made you a bit more human to us and thankful that even someone like you can be nervous on the stages you perform on.

So after all of this blabbing I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being kind to me and bringing amazingness to the stage. Also thanks for posting shit on Instagram that prove you are like the rest of us, the Panda suit was awesome. Hopefully I will be able to have a normal conversation with you one day instead of getting overly excited.

I think I will do this more often to the people I love and respect. Glitter on Bitches!!!!!!

ME DAMN IT

So recently I have gotten a bit of slack from a couple of directions about how I work when it comes to people. I will mainly take instances from convos I have had with my hubs but not all said is necessarily from him. So with that disclaimer out of the way I am ME!!!!!

I run with a very different moral compass then most in every aspect of my life. Lessons I now realize that were instilled in my by my tiny old woman when I was a young adult. So if you haven't seen me at a show yet or had the chance to be in a performance with me I am the boob grabbing, all smiles, happy to see ya kind of person. It is rare that I will not approach a person and chit chat or hug them. Actually when I'm more mellow I usually get asked if I'm sick.

I also try to stick with kindness. Being happy is a choice and even when I mention another performer in a negative light I don't want everyone basing their opinion off of me so I don't mention names on here or to others unless it is in a positive light. I have had many chances to call people out on this blog for behavior, but then I would be no better and frankly this is my chance to be a narcissist so this is about me not them, and my experiences. 

I am a forgiver. I don't like holding grudges against people and I don't hate others no matter how badly I have been hurt by them. This is a thing that baffles people constantly. I have had a few who just think I'm crazy for not being angry for an overly acceptable amount of time. I don't like being in a hole of negativity. I lived many years in a hole similar to that and I have made many efforts to not do that again. So being kind to others is what I do.

Being a friend. I have been told about this one more then once by every partner I have had in my life. They see that I will stop and run to anyone who needs my help in any way. I have been told that I am more of a friend to many who are not true friends to me. They use my help and assistance when they need it but when I need it they aren't around. This part has shown its self to be true many times in the past, but I have a feeling that if I called upon any of the glittery tribe I have most will help me. I don't personally lean on people for support, but it doesn't mean I can't be a supporter of others. Good deeds are best left as those and not wanting something from anyone I help. If they feel the need to assist me or help me when I need it makes it a special gift to me. And this has happened to me in moments of stress when I am performing or getting ready to, Anita Brasierre, ViVacious, Buttercup Delight, Kiki Delco, Cha Cha Velour, Lou Lou Roxy, and many others are all people who have helped me at some point. The list can go on and on so far when it comes to my performances. 

So as all this is said and out there now...I like being nice and happy. This life is too short to be angry and upset all the time. I want my life to be filled with good.

So glitter on bitches you are all awesome people!!!!!!

BHOF BHOF BHOF!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

Okay if you can't get the idea I am so fucking excited this year for the most amazing weekender event!!! This wonderful event comes right before my birthday this year too. So if you have read far enough back I was lucky enough to attend one of the nights during last years weekend. And I was lucky enough that during that one show I saw Dita Vontese and my all time fave performer Dirty Martini.  After all of that I kept hearing about the weekend I knew I had missed out on so many great performances over the weekend. So this year, thanks to the man who spoils the shit out of me, I am going for the whole weekend!!!!!!!!!! Four shows and After parties too!!!!! The other part that fucking excites me like no tomorrow is the fact that my man tags along with too, I really love him.

So very recently it was posted on the BHOF museums Facebook page that the color for one of the after parties this year is green. What did I do??? Started looking for green dresses of course. The first items I bought though weren't even for me they are for my hubs. I bought his green shirt, green cuff links and a bow tie I plan on glaming out with rhinestones very soon. Yes people my man will wear rhinestones for me day or night that's why we are meant to be! 

I have found my dress but am waiting to purchase it so I can get it fitted to me perfectly. I am starting the gym today....again. This time my hubs and our dear friend are all going to start going together. This means I will start going on a weekly basis and that will inevitably mean I will tighten my sexy bod a lil more. Did I say that I am have no motivation to go to the gym alone and because my hubs knows me he made the choice to join as well, because he said I would never go alone so he has to join now :) I love him. So back to my gorgeous dress I'll be wearing!!!!! It is strapless covered in sequins and is a mermaid style bottom. I can't wait to have it. I also have a pink beaded dress I bought for the Vegas festival last October. So this means I need one more awesome gown and maybe just a cocktail style dress for Sunday.

As for where we are staying I was hoping for a suite at the hotel hosting the weekender, the Orleans, but I was shit out of luck there. So I went to my fave hotel to stay at and looked at suites there. I love the Rio all suites hotel. I love their steakhouse, their pool, and the rooms are fucking awesome. The suite I'm looking at would be big enough as well to hold a Vegas peeps after party!!!!!! So because my husband is an amazing man it looks like we will have a ton of fun that weekend and as usual my birthday will be amazing. 

I honestly am just freaking over the fact that I get to wear awesome dresses the whole weekend, see lots of boobs, possibly meet some of the performers I admire, and spend it with my husband and friends. Yay!!

Glitter on you fab bitches!!!

My body and burlesque

So I have chosen to rewrite this post. I just want to say that I hate coming across as a jerk. I am over all a very spiritual person who believes being mean doesn't get me anywhere but in a hole of negativity. And because of that I don't like being that way and feel that what I said is possibly going to start personal attacks on people because people want to assume things and go down the road of hate, which was not at all what I was meaning. There were a few points I didn't point out correctly anyway and want to fix them. So if any of you felt as if I was attacking you I apologize and that also means the meaning of the post was lost to everyone.

So let's start from the beginning...

I took the time to look at my chubby self and thoughts went as so...

So today while standing in front of a mirror and looking at my buck ass naked self I began to think. Yes, I was staring at my chubby rolls in the mirror, which isn't something I do. Usually it is a quick "hello body you are looking plump today" type situation before I quickly turn around and ignore the rolls I just saw. I was once a thin little thing who kept myself at around 115-130 and now sit at around 180. 

So back to staring at my lady lumps in the mirror.

I started thinking about all the body bashing I have been hearing about and seeing on social media and with all the "only real peeps love women with curves" shit. I took a long look at my thighs that touch almost all the way down to my knees when not together, the scar lovingly known as my sun roof where my son came out, my slightly sagging breasts, my lovely round belly, my thick arms and my over all mainly pear shaped body. I began to think again of the many social media posts I have seen. Now I have people on my social media sites from all over the place. And what I see ranges from  love your curves to always work out. I also thought of those lovely thin girls I know with perfect asses, beautiful waists, perfect tits, and even my thicker girls who have great skin covering their size, smooth round bellies, and not so thick thighs. It also got me thinking of a burlesque article I was reading that was about how burlesque doesn't give you self confidence. So I decided that I needed to put things out there for others to read about body image coming from a former skinny girl.

Here I am naked in all my glory taking a minute to think "Is my size that bad that it grosses people out?" In my opinion if it does don't fucking talk to me anymore. I also don't want to be told how I should go on the newest dieting fad either. I am me!!! True I am not perfect but as a former skinny person from a dancers background I am not unhappy with me. I do have my days like any other woman where I feel less sexy then I did the day before when I allow others opinions of me get to me. But over all I am me for a reason. I initially gained weight because I fell inlove. Yes that is my reason and I say this because when I was thinner I was unhappy with my life and barely ate or would only closet eat while with my ex, well that and he threatened to leave me if I ever became fat. I know those were not my smartest days. I was so desperate to be wanted that I even held onto being bulimic for a while. And in highschool I held onto being under 120 by being Anorexic so I would be cast in the next number a choreographer was doing. But back to gaining. I fell in love for the first time in a very long time and fell in love with the one person I knew I couldn't live without. I was finally happy and had someone who was okay with me eating a cheese burger like a beast. Then I gained because I got pregnant. Let me tell you I looked like a beached whale right before I had my little monster. I lost a good fifty pounds of it but held hard onto what I had left. 

Now why am I not doing drastic measures to get the weight off or why am not freaking out on a daily basis over how the world looks at me? In all reality I don't care. My squishy self makes for a great snuggle buddy for my little man, I enjoy eating my food, I love meat, I love beer, and my husband still thinks I'm super fucking sexy. Now when I first started in burlesque it helped my realize that I love me. It reminded me that everyone is a different shape and size and everyone wants at least one body part replaced or sucked down. Does this make me not want any of those things? Hell no I want bigger boobs!!!

For the most part I always wore tights because I didn't think it was safe for a girl my size to not wear them and I always wear a shimmy belt or skirt to hide my lower belly. If I'm so happy with my chubby self why would I do all those things or want boobs? When I perform it isn't about me when I'm on stage it's about the audience. Most would want to see my belly and frankly even when I had fabulous boobs prior the child monster I still wanted bigger, I like big boobs, and I recently learned that the audience loves my juicy booty without tights so from now on NO MORE TIGHTS. Those who don't think of the audience when performing forget that you are there to entertain and when what you bring becomes a distraction instead of your performance you lost what you were there to do.this goes for all you tight ass thin girls too. And personally I kind of play on being a fatty I bring food eating into what I'm doing or joke about what I have on or show. When I see my videos I don't look at my body and go ew that looks nasty I go huh the audience sounds great and my choreography is spot on. This is what you should be doing and the article is right burlesque is not about giving you self confidence you have to do that and learn that it's okay to be you.

If you are larger that's okay if you are skinny that's okay and if you are somewhere in between that's okay too. Stop listening to the body bashers, trying every diet known to man, stop reading all the damn posts about how men think (care about your own loved ones thoughts if your gonna care at all) and do what is right for you. This goes for those who want to get angry over thin girls talking about weight and do what some have done to you and begin to hate back. And please do it in the healthiest way possible the long term issues that come from drastic measures are far worse in the end then what you get at the moment. Also remember what makes you great as you are right now. And a side note to all of you who like to post about people being fat and lazy or wanting to feed food to skinny girls. Let people be and focus on you. What will constantly judging everyone else in the world do for you....nothing but create enemies amongst the people you feel the need to bash on. This goes for me too because I'm cheeky from time to time with my more fit peers and I should I think they are all sexy as fuck big and small, besides they let me touch their butts and boobs so I shouldn't complain or make fun of ever, I might lose my privealages.

For me what makes me great are......

My son loves my squishy fat for snuggling

My ass is super juicy

My man thinks I'm hot just the way I am

My belly is extra good for the belly rubs

I like food

My belly makes for a great baby seat

My legs and ass make for a great spring board for my son to bounce off of

And burlesque wise the booty is good for the shaking

Also I am great to snuggle in general cause I'm soft....cuddling is my fave btw

One day I will have bigger boobs and that will make me feel a bit more even, but for now I hold my saggy boobs and remember they are mine and that's okay. Will I possibly lose weight? Maybe if I ever decide to go to the gym. And do I have a weight goal, I did but have decided to let my body shape it's self through some exercise and not as many beers and chocolate bars. It doesn't mean I don't love me now it just means I need more stamina for all the stripping I tend to do in this life time. 

And let's not forget that some of the most famous performers in burlesque aren't any one shape but many shapes. And they rock my socks off every time I YouTube stock them ;) 

Glitter up bitches and remember self love above all!!!