Kind Warning

I just want to put this out there that I am not a critic just a girl finding her way in this new world of burlesque. I try to be gentle with my opinions and do really love all of the effort these women put into show productions. Along with all of the male and female performers out there I do respect all of you and look up to each and everyone of you. So please, if you happen to be one of these great people reading my blog and for some reason you don't like what I have written please talk with me so we can settle our differences if there are any. Thank You!!

Thursday, March 6, 2014

My body and burlesque

So I have chosen to rewrite this post. I just want to say that I hate coming across as a jerk. I am over all a very spiritual person who believes being mean doesn't get me anywhere but in a hole of negativity. And because of that I don't like being that way and feel that what I said is possibly going to start personal attacks on people because people want to assume things and go down the road of hate, which was not at all what I was meaning. There were a few points I didn't point out correctly anyway and want to fix them. So if any of you felt as if I was attacking you I apologize and that also means the meaning of the post was lost to everyone.

So let's start from the beginning...

I took the time to look at my chubby self and thoughts went as so...

So today while standing in front of a mirror and looking at my buck ass naked self I began to think. Yes, I was staring at my chubby rolls in the mirror, which isn't something I do. Usually it is a quick "hello body you are looking plump today" type situation before I quickly turn around and ignore the rolls I just saw. I was once a thin little thing who kept myself at around 115-130 and now sit at around 180. 

So back to staring at my lady lumps in the mirror.

I started thinking about all the body bashing I have been hearing about and seeing on social media and with all the "only real peeps love women with curves" shit. I took a long look at my thighs that touch almost all the way down to my knees when not together, the scar lovingly known as my sun roof where my son came out, my slightly sagging breasts, my lovely round belly, my thick arms and my over all mainly pear shaped body. I began to think again of the many social media posts I have seen. Now I have people on my social media sites from all over the place. And what I see ranges from  love your curves to always work out. I also thought of those lovely thin girls I know with perfect asses, beautiful waists, perfect tits, and even my thicker girls who have great skin covering their size, smooth round bellies, and not so thick thighs. It also got me thinking of a burlesque article I was reading that was about how burlesque doesn't give you self confidence. So I decided that I needed to put things out there for others to read about body image coming from a former skinny girl.

Here I am naked in all my glory taking a minute to think "Is my size that bad that it grosses people out?" In my opinion if it does don't fucking talk to me anymore. I also don't want to be told how I should go on the newest dieting fad either. I am me!!! True I am not perfect but as a former skinny person from a dancers background I am not unhappy with me. I do have my days like any other woman where I feel less sexy then I did the day before when I allow others opinions of me get to me. But over all I am me for a reason. I initially gained weight because I fell inlove. Yes that is my reason and I say this because when I was thinner I was unhappy with my life and barely ate or would only closet eat while with my ex, well that and he threatened to leave me if I ever became fat. I know those were not my smartest days. I was so desperate to be wanted that I even held onto being bulimic for a while. And in highschool I held onto being under 120 by being Anorexic so I would be cast in the next number a choreographer was doing. But back to gaining. I fell in love for the first time in a very long time and fell in love with the one person I knew I couldn't live without. I was finally happy and had someone who was okay with me eating a cheese burger like a beast. Then I gained because I got pregnant. Let me tell you I looked like a beached whale right before I had my little monster. I lost a good fifty pounds of it but held hard onto what I had left. 

Now why am I not doing drastic measures to get the weight off or why am not freaking out on a daily basis over how the world looks at me? In all reality I don't care. My squishy self makes for a great snuggle buddy for my little man, I enjoy eating my food, I love meat, I love beer, and my husband still thinks I'm super fucking sexy. Now when I first started in burlesque it helped my realize that I love me. It reminded me that everyone is a different shape and size and everyone wants at least one body part replaced or sucked down. Does this make me not want any of those things? Hell no I want bigger boobs!!!
For the most part I always wore tights because I didn't think it was safe for a girl my size to not wear them and I always wear a shimmy belt or skirt to hide my lower belly. If I'm so happy with my chubby self why would I do all those things or want boobs? When I perform it isn't about me when I'm on stage it's about the audience. Most would want to see my belly and frankly even when I had fabulous boobs prior the child monster I still wanted bigger, I like big boobs, and I recently learned that the audience loves my juicy booty without tights so from now on NO MORE TIGHTS. Those who don't think of the audience when performing forget that you are there to entertain and when what you bring becomes a distraction instead of your performance you lost what you were there to do.this goes for all you tight ass thin girls too. And personally I kind of play on being a fatty I bring food eating into what I'm doing or joke about what I have on or show. When I see my videos I don't look at my body and go ew that looks nasty I go huh the audience sounds great and my choreography is spot on. This is what you should be doing and the article is right burlesque is not about giving you self confidence you have to do that and learn that it's okay to be you.

If you are larger that's okay if you are skinny that's okay and if you are somewhere in between that's okay too. Stop listening to the body bashers, trying every diet known to man, stop reading all the damn posts about how men think (care about your own loved ones thoughts if your gonna care at all) and do what is right for you. This goes for those who want to get angry over thin girls talking about weight and do what some have done to you and begin to hate back. And please do it in the healthiest way possible the long term issues that come from drastic measures are far worse in the end then what you get at the moment. Also remember what makes you great as you are right now. And a side note to all of you who like to post about people being fat and lazy or wanting to feed food to skinny girls. Let people be and focus on you. What will constantly judging everyone else in the world do for you....nothing but create enemies amongst the people you feel the need to bash on. This goes for me too because I'm cheeky from time to time with my more fit peers and I should I think they are all sexy as fuck big and small, besides they let me touch their butts and boobs so I shouldn't complain or make fun of ever, I might lose my privealages.

For me what makes me great are......
My son loves my squishy fat for snuggling
My ass is super juicy
My man thinks I'm hot just the way I am
My belly is extra good for the belly rubs
I like food
My belly makes for a great baby seat
My legs and ass make for a great spring board for my son to bounce off of
And burlesque wise the booty is good for the shaking
Also I am great to snuggle in general cause I'm soft....cuddling is my fave btw

One day I will have bigger boobs and that will make me feel a bit more even, but for now I hold my saggy boobs and remember they are mine and that's okay. Will I possibly lose weight? Maybe if I ever decide to go to the gym. And do I have a weight goal, I did but have decided to let my body shape it's self through some exercise and not as many beers and chocolate bars. It doesn't mean I don't love me now it just means I need more stamina for all the stripping I tend to do in this life time. 

And let's not forget that some of the most famous performers in burlesque aren't any one shape but many shapes. And they rock my socks off every time I YouTube stock them ;) 

Glitter up bitches and remember self love above all!!! 

1 comment:

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