Wise words from a wise stripping lady

I've said it before that LouLou Roxy gives her fortune cookie advice at the end of class. Well last night she reviewed a few she has given before since we had a new girl join us.

1. Love yourself.
          Those are hard words to hear and actually follow for so many, including me. If you think         though that's what burlesque is all about. You take what you have and you display it for all to see. You can't enjoy doing this if you don't love yourself. I know I started off wanting to love myself and am finding that I am loving me finally after three years again. Burlesque allows so many to actually love themselves again.

2. Don't listen to comments on YouTube.
           This one I love, because no many how many times she says there is always the 14 yro kid from Belgium who shouldn't be making comments anyway.  The basis of the whole thing is that you are gonna get people who wanna be mean. Some are just mean people and others are underage and are being supervised so they feel they can say nasty things all over the Internet. And Lou Lou is right if we listened to all the nasty hate out there we would be dragged down and those stupid people would win. It kinda falls under love yourself again. With self love others dumb comments don't matter.

There was one more but unfortunately that fortune cookie has been lost for now. She really needs glittery glammed out fortune cookies for classes. Well if I get enough of her advice on here I might just do that. Yay for fun projects!!!!

Childish excitement

This past weekend my honey, Amazon, and I went to the monthly Live Burlesque in Las Vegas show. If you come into town at the end of the month you have to see this show its amazing!!!! I was like a little kid in a candy store yelling with great enthusiasm about all the awesome candy I'm seeing.  I screamed so much the next day I had no voice. Everyone I saw was amazing. The MC for the night was Lili VonSchtupp from LA. She was hilarious and so fun to watch perform. This was the second show my honey has seen and he had a blast. The first time our Amazon has seen anything like it. I'm glad they came with me. I can't wait to see the next show.

Oh, and Cha Cha Velour did a bearded lady routine that was magnificent!!!!!!

I am loving this world more and more and more each and everyday.

It's getting closer!!!!!

I haven't mentioned, but my course starts  freaking Wednesday!!!!!!! That's only a few days away. I'm super freaking excited and at the same time a little scared. It's that whole thing for me where I'm putting myself into a group and I know no one. Those situations scare the hell out of me.  I've taken a class from Cha Cha Velour and she was super awesome.
*sidetrack for a moment-I just realized I use super, freaking, awesome, amazing, etc. A SHIT TON. If you think I'm being an ass with this get over it. I'm excited about all this amazing shit and will repeat these words over and over until my little heart is content.*
I'm back....so Cha Cha is great and she has been such a wonderful person to chat with. But what about the other girls. Are they going to be nice people? Am I going to feel like a fool around them? So many questions filled with fear running through my head at this very moment. I'm a chatty person so I know in the end I'll be okay. It's just the first day of something new always makes me want to piss my pants.

On another note kinda dealing with all this. I'm going to start the gym soon. And I want to do the thirty day squat challenge.  All of this has encouraged me to want to be healthy again. I was never a super small girl and I don't want to be now. I just want to be comfortable enough to not wear a corset by the time the showcase is here. I want to end in nothing but a thing and pasties. As of this moment I'm not willing to do that. So through my course time which is 12 weeks I want to lose enough inches in the belly area to where I can show it off.

Oh one last thing. I have friends who are coming out from California to see my first performance. I'm actually going to have a lot of people there that first night. Knowing I will have a great support group there makes that day that much more to me. And let's not forget my little ol' mom. I'm a lucky lady to have so many friends ready to come see me take my clothes off. And lucky to have such a husband who supports anything and everything I do. I'm a happy girl.

Research

So I have been reading a lot of  blog posts, books, websites, and watching movies. So far what I have read tells you to research as much as possible. Through everything I've done so far I agree. YouTube has become my best friend. I watch many of the local performers from Vegas and so many more from around the world. It's freaking amazing!!! I love Jo Weldon's book, and so far I have seen A wink and a smile along with Burley Q.

One movie gave a history of burlesque and the other gave journeys of new burlesque dancers. I got to see those who were great women who danced during the biggest times of burlesque. The other gave me a view of Seattle's burlesque scene and a small taste of what my journey is going to be. I need to find more movies to watch. These women that are out there doing amazing acts and those who have lived such hard lives going against the grain of society. For me this is liberation. I have never been a person to want to do what society says is okay and to find these amazing women who stand on their own and do things there way are idols in my eyes.

I love reading about all these great women who were out there in the world doing their thing and feeling great about it. It just makes me happy to see that I'm not the only one pushing boundaries and making life the way I see fit for me. Makes me proud to be me.

Now the only thing I really need to do is get to more shows dang it. Sometimes it's hard. We only have one care until next year so going to every show out there isn't always doable. For now I go to what I can and enjoy the heck out of them. Twisted cherry burlesque, live burlesque in Las Vegas, and the new nerdlesque are all I've seen so far. Well besides a few other shows here and there. Maybe this summer I can do more and maybe even try and help out at a few. I need to get out there!!!!!!!

I kinda sound like a stocker in my head....a burly stocker :p ( in super creepy voice)

Missing the shimmy workshop

Can I just say how annoyed I am that I had to miss out on Dusty Summers workshop!!!!!

I know I'm just posting this now, but I just watched her on YouTube again and she was amazing again. She is fantastic and to have been able to be in the same room as her would have made me freakishly happy. Instead I was hanging with my momma and lil guy that day, which was a great reason to miss out. My lil guy was wondering around a park in nothing but a little kilt so he was a great distraction. Still I would have loved to have seen her so close to me and in action. She makes this journey even more awesome, because she is someone to strive to become like.

One day I'll meet her, but for now I will burly swoon on this blog. I think I do this a lot...yah know burly swoon. Anyway, I'll just keep bumping and grinding in the corner over here.

My rawest self

So after posting a portion of the forward from the handbook I decided that I would right about my major insecurities and issues I have had over the years with myself and why it has been so hard to love myself. It would make more sense to why the whole burlesque awesomeness is surprising to me making such an impact to how I see myself.

So if you have ever seen a professional dancer from the nineties they were tall and extremely thin. In Vegas all girls in shows had to be at least 5'6 at that time in order to make it past the auditions. Well I grew the last time in my life when I was 11yrs old. And that only got me to the short size of 5'3. Now as for the thin part I was still part of the era where your weight was a huge part of your dancing life. Girls who were slightly thick were always to to look longer don't gain weight etc. well even at 80lbs, which I was from 11 to 13 I still looked twice the size of the girls around me due to my body shape and height. I went through many stages of eating disorders from just plain starving myself to full blown bulimia. I even fluctuated weight from 115-150 through high school as well. So my dream to be a dancer,which I think I was good at, was always being shattered in front of me. In my early adult life I went through spousal fear. Meaning I was starving myself all over again, because of the fear my ex put into me regarding leaving me if I got larger then what I was. So I went up and down between 115- 130 on a regular basis. 130 was the largest I was able to be without fear of losing a man who I now realize didn't love ME. Now the last weight issue I have had was due to the Hellion of a blessing I now have running my life. I went from 145 to 220 the day I went into the hospital. I was a walking, well more like waddling, Buddha. I was swollen, but basically all belly. He took up so much room from day one that people thought I was having multiple children my whole pregnancy. One day ill post a pic. I won't deny I loved rubbing my belly and miss it even to this day. The aftermath was to  be the least desirable out come. I ended things with the lower part of my belly stretched out.

Now through all this weight crap I developed horrible coping mechanisms. I am currently working on covering my right arm with tattoos due to scars that I caused to myself over the years when I get overwhelmed. I'm all good now and handle things way better so please don't freak out, I'm just being honest. I also closet ate for years. I did what children do when they have gone through periods of starving. I would go and eat something really bad for me while no one was watching. Not such great things I have done to myself due to overwhelming emotions and the strong desire to be thin.

Now luckily I met the most amazing man. Well didn't really meet him but opened my eyes up and truly saw him for the first time. My husband in a way helped save me. We had known each other for many years and when I left my ex he offered to show me what it was like to truly be loved by someone unconditionally. Once I felt that I have refused to ever go away. Because of this one man I began to feel a bit better about me. Burlesque comes in and fills in all the major gaps since I have had my Lil guy. After having a baby and most of you doesn't return to its previous look you tend to start feeling less sexy.

 For a while I was wearing things that hid me. Baggie dresses and lots of  gaucho pants. Even when I began my still slow transformation into pinup style clothing I would stay with more flowing skirts. Since I started my classes I went and bought myself three different pencil skirts and tight fitting tops. And yah know what I love looking at me in them. I feel great wearing them. The confidence is slow but I am feeling fantastic so far. I'm really glad I decided to finally give it a shot instead of saying that I could and never doing.

Going through the Handbook

Honestly until I started this adventure I would have never gathered there was a handbook out there to read and learn from. Granted this isn't a text book, but it's great. My favorite so far is the forward by Margret Cho. I'm gonna post a section from her forward that screamed at me while reading it. She says all the things I want to tell the world about how I'm feeling about what I'm doing.

"After seeing my first burlesque show, I was obsessed with trying it myself. It wasn't so much that I had such an exhibitionist streak in me-it was more that I was seeking to silence the constant drone of self-hatred that ran on in my head. Even though I had talked a lot about the importance of self-acceptance and self- esteem in my work, I hadn't found total peace with myself or body. There was always something I wanted to fix or change, and my weight was always the focal point of my happiness . However, when I would see a dancer who was larger than me be beautiful and happy and perfect in the moment of her lovingly choreographed routine, wearing an outrageous costume, then taking it off-I felt a freedom within myself that was unparalleled. I saw that happiness didn't have to be a smaller size; it was an attitude.i didn't have to diet, I just had to put on pasties! What a revelation! I realized that feeling beautiful had power and political potential."
                                -Margaret Cho forward in  The Burlesque Handbook by Jo Wheldon


Honestly after reading that aloud to my hubby on the road trip home from California I felt lifted in such a fantastic way. I got super excited and was telling him how what she just said is what I feel. He was all smiles for me telling that he was so happy that this was making me feel this way.

I am really learning to love myself for the first time in a very long time.

Practice makes perfect

So I take a very basic class every Monday. It is the class so far that is getting me the most comfortable with feeling sexy and goofy all at the same time. The last two weeks we have been working a lot with faces. We all know its the one thing I am super uncomfortable with and feel that I look ridiculous doing. Lou Lou has a way with her students though. She has us making more ridiculous faces then trying to be super sexy. Being more of a goof helps me a shit ton!!! I see myself as a goof 90% of the time anyway so making those kinds of faces come more naturally. Mixed in though are a few cute looks, smiles, and pouts. Honestly I don't know how I would get used to this part if she weren't my teacher right now.

Faces are hard when you have lived most of your life feeling very unsexy. When you have felt so unsexy for so long trying to  gives those looks makes you feel like your trying and failing at them. Ladies and Gents this blog is a bare all so me talking about this super lame shit is the freaking truth. I am not positive about how other ladies feel inside when they start, but for me this all about confidence building and feeling great in my own skin. Just those damn faces....I'll get there one day soon where I love making them and I feel great doing them. As long as I keep having people like Lou Lou and Cha Cha around I think I'll be good.

Practice make perfect right!!! This reminds me I need to start writing down Lou Lou's fortune cookie advice she gives so I can post them. Each week at the end of class she gives advice about being a performer. Good shit too!! Things you don't think about as a noob and honestly should or it could scare you off in the end. Also she gives a bit of a confidence booster too. You know when you think about it it's like being a kid again and wanting a gold star for being good when you start something that is this far out of a normal comfort zone. At least until you are feeling good about you and then you give yourself gold stars instead in the version of showing peeps your boobs and making them shout!!

Hahaha....I make myself giggle sometimes :p

The new daily life

I spend my days playing the same song about 50 times a day. My boys get excited when they hear it now because it means I'm gonna do something crazy and silly. They even do their own little version of dancing when they hear it. I listen to it over and over so I memorize the song so when I'm ready the music will be second nature to me. I also spend time dancing for them. They are my best audience members of all time. They smile at every goofy move I make and clap when I'm done and wait politely for me to start all over again. It's nice to have such a great audience from day to day. They are my biggest fans. I will be more then ready when it comes to my performance with these two little guys cheering me on!!!!

I'm a lucky lady

A never ending slew of shows

So I thought previously I was in the burlesque scene as an audience member. Well I must say now I think I might have only been testing the water. There are show almost all the freaking time. I wish I could go to all of them, but it's hard when I still have my mommy life along with my nerd life. Just this week there are three different shows happening. I can only make two of them. What is exciting though is that I am taking my hubby to his first show this Friday night. And it just happens to be a sci-if themed nerdlesque!!!!! He is excited to see the world I so badly want to enter and I am just excited to see other performers.

Thursday  was Twisted Cherry burlesque and I got to see my Jeffery Xerxes Bryce perform yet again. I love his performances each time I'm lucky enough to see them. It doesn't help that she's my family and I always want to support her and her amazing performances. She is the most hysterical performer and makes the audience laugh every time. We had a set of girls at the show who were cracking up the whole time she was on stage both times. The girls rocked as usual and the host is super hot and she is really funny. I was able to bring my cousin who happened to get into. Town that day. It's nice being able to show family what I plan on doing. I'm a lucky person to have such great people in my life.

Last night was the very first nerdlesque review at a small comic shop called the sifi center. The whole show was themed as sifi movies. A known comic to me Rob Cole hosted it and there were a few girls I have seen before and a few new ones. This was my man's first show!! When the first girl came on he didn't know what to do. He even asked I explained when he felt like holler out and others will follow. He even heckled the host a little, I was so proud of him.

The next show we are going to will be at the end of the month put on by Cha Cha Velour. We are taking our Amazon with us as well. This one will have people from Cali as well as Vegas. This seems to be a huge thing every month and can't wait to see it for the first time. I'm oping I get to see Vi Vacious live. I have seen her on the web and she's amazing. And I really want my hubby to see Lou Lou Roxy and Cha Cha Velour perform so he can see why I look up to them. And he needs to see their sex faces so he understands my envy right now.

Fucking Faces

I am horrible at faces and feel like an ass while trying. I say this every week Lou Lou has the best damn sex face I have seen. She makes you want to fall to the floor while she performs and beg to do what ever she wants you too. Cha Cha has this playful look and then she does these moments of sex faces that make you squirm in your seat. I WANT THAT ABILITY!!!! Right now I just look like a teenager trying really hard to look sexy and in the end just looks silly.

I don't know how I am gonna learn to look hot facially while doing any of this at the moment, but I will continue acting a fool in class trying to not actually look like a fool. I guess I am still looking for my inner sex goddess. Even Darby Fox looks amazing during class flirting in the mirror. I was told I have the eyes going so far I just need to get the rest which will come and at least I have something to start with. That is a good thing cause I don't want to look like a pan face on stage.

Cha Cha was talking about facial choreography the night she taught class. that not everyone has a great face, but can make the audience react when wanted with choreographed faces when performing. I assume in time through performing I would eventually gain better skills as well. It's just frustrating that this is the one thing I have never been able to do ever. You know when you take a pic with a group of girls and they all look like they are making love to the camera and you are the one in the middle with a big cheese grin, well that is me always. I have never been shy about my grin I love it and it's the reason why I am dubbed the Cheshire with those I'm close with. It does not on the other hand make a good sex face.

So here we are my first frustration is not being able to look sex enough with my faces. Boo :(

It doesn't get me too down I still love the hell out of my classes damn it and I will learn to have a sexy face if it kills me.

Chastity BadCock

So right off the bat in my first 101 class Lou Lou asked if anyone had thought up a name for their selves yet. I hadn't gotten that far so for me I spent the week trying to think of a name I would love to be called by. Now ladies and gents this is where you will begin to see the super nerdy side of me. I started off with something about being pint size. I wanted a name that was cheeky and kind of funny if you knew anything about me. I had asked my sister (who also happens to be one of my best friends) and then told my hubs. They both liked the name, but my hub asked why hadn't I thought of the name I chose for my steam punk name at conventions? I hadn't even given that name a thought until he said something. He was all over it and thought it was the best stage name I could give myself and I was already using it for another culture I was getting in to. So I went the next week to class and announced to Lou Lou that my stage name was picked and and I wanted to be known as Chastity BadCock. Two weeks later Lou Lou wanted to tell Darby Fox, a fellow performer, my name and the first thing that came to mind was the word Cock. It made me smile inside knowing that it won't be an easy name to forget once you see me perform. Darby said it was a great 70's porn name and that made me beam too.

I had also decided that though there were many performers out there in our city of sin who were great little sex kittens I wanted to be a different version of sex kitten. I wanted to embrace the nerd side of me in this part of life as well. I had done tons of research looking up nerdy burlesque and there was a shit loud of it out there. This made me one happy little hobbit. I want to make all my acts nerdy in some way but in a very show girlie kind of way. I want to be a bedazzled beauty on stage ripping off really nerdy themed jeweled costumes. I am a native of Vegas and the over the top gemed out costumes are what I see myself in, except they aren't just your normal costumes, but ones like Thor or Boo Cat from one of my favorite comics. I want to be able to take what is nerdy and be a Unicorn. Unicorn meaning a hot nerd. So many performers out there take their art and really go wild with it and do things accurate in their own way. Darby Fox makes her costumes if needed culturally accurate and I would like to do that for Nerdy themes when ever possible. I don't want to make a Thor costume and just throw it on and that be it, but put one together that looks like those of my favorite cospalyers. As you can tell I can go on forever about being a nerd.

I come up with themes all the time and my friends are never short on giving suggestions of cool shit to do. And here we have it I want to be Chastity BadCock the girl who loves being a stripping nerd.

Starting the journey of collecting items to use and learn from

So I the day before we left for our trip out of town I received my Burlesque Handbook by Jo Weldon along with the often used CD I hear during class and then came home to my first pair of gloves. I have to say I am pretty freaking excited with this journey. I started reading the book while on the car ride home. My hubby and I were both exhausted so I was reading out loud the entire car ride. He isn't as nearly as interested in what Jo has to say in her book as I am, but he was happy to see me so giddy over reading it. The CD worked great as background sounds for the ride as well. Now I am just waiting patiently to start class which is still 3 weeks away dang it!!

Awesome support group

I just have to talk about how awesome the people are in my life. I know many say that you should only have those around you that support you in roads you choose to go down. My biggest supporter has to be my husband. My big manly man has always been there and encourages me to do whatever makes me feel amazing. When he came home one day and I brought this up to him he was just as excited as I was. He also told me to use the name I ended up choosing in the end too. I wouldn't know what I would do if it weren't for the support I get from him. The funny thing is also that we are like night and day together and yet he thinks it's great I chase my dreams. Thanks baby for always being there and supporting me!!!

As for others who have always supported me they  need a shout too. My sister has always told me to go for what I love and what makes me happy. My mom is always there right behind me cheering me on even in her little old lady sweater. I have a shit ton of friends that always say go for it and those who I know will be there the first time I ever perform.  The other is my Amazon who gave me huge encouragement when she found out I was accepted into the course.

The last big supporter is my little man. He may be one but he watches other performers on YouTube with me completely excited. He dances with me in the living room when he hears the music start and me moving. Many may disagree with the idea of my toddler seeing this art form at this young age, but he will grow up appreciating those who perform differently then most. I love this little guy of mine.

These people make my life worth living and make doing things like this feel awesome. I can't wait to gain more supporters and others I can support too.

Applying for the Academy

I got my acceptance email today from Cha Cha!!!!!!!

After spending 45 minutes after class with Cha Cha talking about the awesomeness that is burlesque. I went home and immediately got on the computer and filled out the form for acceptance to their 12 week course. Now at the end of this course you perform. that whole part scares me a bit cause I can't remember the last time I was up on a stage performing, but it will be amazing and I know the audience will be filled with people I couldn't live with out. The other thing that is so freaking great is that I will be able to take classes weekly from the two people I really admire in the Vegas Burlesque community. Lou Lou Roxy in the 101 classes and Cha Cha Velour during the course.

 I am so freaking excited. My classes start on May first. I already have the base of my act put together. I have the song and the outer most layer of my costume picked out. By this Friday I will have my handbook so I can read it before starting class.

I already feel amazing about me. Since day one I am feeling more like I can rock anything. I even bought myself pencil skirts finally realizing that I could and do look great in them. It's surprising to see that doing something like this for myself is making such an impact on how I feel about me. I am loving this feeling though and can't wait to feel even better than I do now.

Who is this girl

I am just going to lay it out there for you peeps. My name is Lee and I'm 30. My full time job is being with my 1 yro. son and his BFF Rabbit who just turned 1 as well. I love my boys and they are the high light of my day. In a past life I was a dancer. I danced from the time I was 3 until about 24. Since I stopped dancing I fell madly in love with my hubby have been raising step children, having a baby, learning to be a domestic queen ( in this house is called an American gypsy wife) and being a really big nerd.

Due to a family friend being an amazing Drag King here in Vegas I have been introduced to the world of Burlesque. You should check her out her stage name is Jeffery Xerxes Bryce, she's is awesome to watch perform. She tends to do shows where burlesque dancers are dancing as well. Over the last year I sat watching these amazing women of all shapes and sizes look like sex goddesses on stage. Overtime I started telling myself I could do this and it looked like so much fun. I slowly started warming myself up to the idea that I too could become a burlesque dancer like all these lovely ladies. Especially since my too favorite burlesque dancers here in town weren't super thin, but knew how to make a crowd go wild. Lou Lou Roxy and Cha Cha Velour are the two who in the end gave me the confidence to start classes. Of course though when I had decided in my head that this is what I wanted I wasn't sure how my family was going to react. I started off with my hubby who happily said go for it. Then came my Mama. I love this little old lady with every ounce of me and wanted to know she too supported me. It took me a little while of explaining what burlesque was to her and after all that she asked "So your boobs have pasties on them, right?" and I said yes which she replied with "Well then I think it's fine and will be happy to be there watching you perform I always do." My mom is the greatest you guys!!!! Now my Dad is LDS so shhhh he won't ever know his tattooed baby is doing this.

After asking those who I love to pieces their thoughts on this new adventure I went in to the studio for the first time.The Las Vegas Burlesque Academy is this little Gem in the middle of the city. I had heard about it a week before when I saw the owner Cha Cha Velour perform at a show I went to supporting Jeffery and his performance. She talked about the studio briefly after she danced and I was all over it nervously. Monday night rolled around and I was entering the studio alone to take the Burlesque 101 class. Now I always make myself more nervous then necessary thinking about how I won't fit in or something dumb along those extents. I was greeted by the lovely Lou Lou Roxy (Whom I love watching perform) with a smile. I signed all documentation and proceeded to buy a block of classes so I couldn't chicken out.

Let's just say I was super nervous the entire class feeling like an idiot the whole time, but loved every second of it. My first class we worked on walking and taking a robe off. I practiced all week using a robe and even worked up the courage to show my hubby what I had learned. Not naked you guys just taking a robe off like a sex kitten. Anyway, it felt amazing putting what I had learned into action though it was only at home. Just from this one class I felt better about who I was in my own skin, not fixed just feeling better about me in my own skin.

So far I have taken three classes two from Lou Lou Roxy and my last one was from the awesome Cha Cha Velour. She is filled with so much knowledge about the Burlesque world. And she was just over all amazing to learn from. She by the end of night helped me realize that this is a path I wanted to go down and made me feel great about being me. A nerdy Burlesque dancer. That night I went home ordered a pair of gloves to practice with, the Burlesque hand book by Jo Weldon, and a basic burlesque CD to practice too.

This is it! The journey of Lee turning from house Momma to Nerdy sex kitten Chastity Badcock!!!!