So this last year has been an interesting one for me. I spent the beginning of it traveling back and forth from Vegas to San Diego being a major geek. I also struggled with trying to figure out my marriage and it's few struggles, which I think I figured out finally. Then came my burlesque Mama and her lovely smiling face that convinced me that taking the intensive would be right for me. When starting the classes I was struggling with my fat and had a decreased value of my personal value. I also met some of the most beautiful faces I now call friends. I'd have to say that with all the personal struggles I might have had this last year was a good one.
I've never looked at a year through pros and cons before so here we go
PROS
1. Another year with my adorable lil boo
2. My man and I are still strong
3. BURLESQUE MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!!!!
4. I now have female friends
5. I have gained an awesome and wise support group
6. This has been the year of family for me and I am so grateful to still have my mom as a big supporter
7. I gained my self esteem back
8. I stood up for myself when in the past I would never have done it
9. I learned I may get my BFF back within a short driving distance again
CONS
1. It was the year of fighting between me and hubs, passionately that always lead to weeks of exhaustion
2. I lost a friend
3. I have eaten so much good food I've gained more weight then I would have liked....well I'm not sure if this is a pro or con.
So 2014 is going to be the year of focus on my performance ability, making sure I balance my home and drag life a little better, learn to fucking sew, spend more time with my mom, and it needs to be the year of making shit happen!!!!!!
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Monday, December 9, 2013
Song update!!!!!!
So pretend you are listening to bad horn music coming from me.
I heard back from one of the girls I sent a message to over a song I want to use!!!!!!! Yay being polite is not a lost cause. At first I was thinking that I would only tell you from my own words how it went down. But Now i have going to give you the conversation instead cause I was way too happy to see her answer. Now I won't give you what I said because you would know what the surprise number is to be and until I am ready to reveal it not even you lovelies can know about it.
I heard back from one of the girls I sent a message to over a song I want to use!!!!!!! Yay being polite is not a lost cause. At first I was thinking that I would only tell you from my own words how it went down. But Now i have going to give you the conversation instead cause I was way too happy to see her answer. Now I won't give you what I said because you would know what the surprise number is to be and until I am ready to reveal it not even you lovelies can know about it.
"Thank you for asking. Too many times people just take a song or an idea without even looking into who else might already be working with it. Feel free and if you record it I would love to see it! My act was from the perspective of the girl in the well so it sounds like a whole new approach.
Good luck!"
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....this was so fucking exciting to see pop up in my Facebook message box. This shows you all that if you spend a little time researching you can make sure you aren't "stealing" and gain a little respect from reaching out as well. Woo Fucking Hoo!!!!!!
Doing the troupe thing!!!!!
So I know I have only been in the scene for a short period of time but I have started working on a troupe number with a friend of mine. She is a newer friend since I just got to work with her for the first time back in October and since then we have hit it off big time. She is a great person to chit chat with and has wise words for me from time to time when I need them as well. The same number I worked on with her a few months ago we decided to try and make a larger number out of, add an extra minute, and then apply to BHOF weekend 2014. If you don't have a clue what this is it is the benefit weekend to support the BOHF(Burlesque Hall of Fame) Museum. They hold the biggest competition ever and holds Miss Exotic World the longest running burlesque solo performer competition. So if they get enough group numbers into the competition night then you get to actually compete. My friends number is awesome and we ended up tweaking it together in the end. So I said why not we should do this and we began the process.
So as noobs to the world of getting a group number into a competition we are taking this very seriously. We held an audition to fill some of the spots we had. Set our rehearsals for weekly 2 hours and take no excuses, unless you are sick of course. We even made everyone sign contracts so we saw that people were serious about being a part of this vision we have. Now we have 7 girls and an alternate who have been taught the entire number and we are prepping for costumes, photos and soon a video. This shit is no fucking joke peeps!
The BHOF competition is no joke either, It is held here in Sin City every year and has been for over a decade now. What I find weird is that not a lot of Vegas performers have gotten into the competition. So finding out what to do was a solo thing I did and decided that we were to be determined to get in this year. We started three weeks ago and have to have our video in by the 27th of January along with videos...HOLY SHIT!!!!! I am not gonna lie this is the biggest thing I have ever tried to be a part of and I am super fucking excited. I am not gonna lie I am a little bit scared a swell.
The one major thing that makes me the happiest is that We ended up wit ha great group of ladies. The one major thing I wanted to see done was several body types being represented so we had a great spectrum of people on stage. It doesn't hurt that all of these ladies are super positive and make our early mornings good ones, even if some of us have hangovers from the burly night before. They have all help me grow a little in this short time we have been together so far. I am looking forward to growing with all of them and learning some more.
I feel very privileged to be a part of this group and the vision we have going.
So as noobs to the world of getting a group number into a competition we are taking this very seriously. We held an audition to fill some of the spots we had. Set our rehearsals for weekly 2 hours and take no excuses, unless you are sick of course. We even made everyone sign contracts so we saw that people were serious about being a part of this vision we have. Now we have 7 girls and an alternate who have been taught the entire number and we are prepping for costumes, photos and soon a video. This shit is no fucking joke peeps!
The BHOF competition is no joke either, It is held here in Sin City every year and has been for over a decade now. What I find weird is that not a lot of Vegas performers have gotten into the competition. So finding out what to do was a solo thing I did and decided that we were to be determined to get in this year. We started three weeks ago and have to have our video in by the 27th of January along with videos...HOLY SHIT!!!!! I am not gonna lie this is the biggest thing I have ever tried to be a part of and I am super fucking excited. I am not gonna lie I am a little bit scared a swell.
The one major thing that makes me the happiest is that We ended up wit ha great group of ladies. The one major thing I wanted to see done was several body types being represented so we had a great spectrum of people on stage. It doesn't hurt that all of these ladies are super positive and make our early mornings good ones, even if some of us have hangovers from the burly night before. They have all help me grow a little in this short time we have been together so far. I am looking forward to growing with all of them and learning some more.
I feel very privileged to be a part of this group and the vision we have going.
Current struggles
So I have been seeing a few struggles pop for me recently. Let me just start with that I am a super social person. I talk A LOT. This is something that I have done my entire life, no joke I got marked for on all my reports cards. I like people in general and judge people based off of my personal experience with them. that being said I have recently come into recent situations where I feel that some people are disliking me at the moment due to personal thoughts of me thinking that I am "better" then others now that I know a lot of my community and talk to almost everyone and help out a lot of people. I also heard things like not showing humility. I hate that anyone out there could think that I am not humble in the new life that I am leading as a performer. Personally I am always trying to show humility by trying to help anyone I can and supporting as many people as I can as well. I have been told in the past that I acted like the mom of the group always there to lend a hand and cheering everyone on as they move forward in their own performing and it is true. This is something that I will never stop doing for others. If any of my local "sisters/ brothers" needed something from me I would be there to assist them in a heart beat. I may do things in a weird way and show my love and support by grabbing all the boobies I can, but I am there smiling and screaming for them to succeed.
So when I start to think that others feel like I am not who I know I am it hurts me. To the point that it is the only thing I can think about. This is where I hear the words of another mentor i have "I don't want people to hate me." In the world we live in it is inevitable for people to have people disliking you for one reason or another. I have had people I felt closest too so far make me want to cry for a week and had to give up friendships as well since i have begun. It isn't easy and it never will be. Feeling the dislike of people without them coming up to me and asking me what is up kills. And right now I can't say that I am not doing the same thing with this situation. I have yet to go to the horse and here it from them an instead listen to the words of those around me telling me I can't avoid the anger of others no matter how hard I try and sitting in front of my key pad typing away as well.
I will also say in all of this I am not perfect in anyway possible, but I try to show others that I am a caring person by being there and helping whenever I can. It sucks though when a person I thought was kind of a friend thinks badly of me.
This brings up another situation I am starting to see with others as well. The constant shit talking!!!! Women are notorious for it and it kills me. My "Mama" talks to me in my head when either I choose to voice a frustration to another or get stuck hearing negative talk from others about many people I personally like. Usually though I point out that I personally like them and that shuts them up pretty quickly, but every once and a while it is like they want me to know all that bad they think about this person anyway. So my "mama" has always said that it is better to sit on the out skirts and be an out cast per say then to get mixed up in it all and cause myself more stress and I don't need to be another negative person. In the end those people are the ones no one wants to work with.
She is right though if you are up beat and you keep to being positive then it always makes you the person that people want to work with. Staying positive is the way I need to stay and let the negative roll off my back. I also have to remind myself that I am a good person but I can't make everyone happy with who I am. Those who see the real me though will know me and appreciate that I am there for them when they need it.
This is the world of a mainly female dominated community. Little spats that always have to be worked out. Doesn't mean that everyone is bad cause everyone has good in them and show it in one way or another.
Glitter on!!!!
So when I start to think that others feel like I am not who I know I am it hurts me. To the point that it is the only thing I can think about. This is where I hear the words of another mentor i have "I don't want people to hate me." In the world we live in it is inevitable for people to have people disliking you for one reason or another. I have had people I felt closest too so far make me want to cry for a week and had to give up friendships as well since i have begun. It isn't easy and it never will be. Feeling the dislike of people without them coming up to me and asking me what is up kills. And right now I can't say that I am not doing the same thing with this situation. I have yet to go to the horse and here it from them an instead listen to the words of those around me telling me I can't avoid the anger of others no matter how hard I try and sitting in front of my key pad typing away as well.
I will also say in all of this I am not perfect in anyway possible, but I try to show others that I am a caring person by being there and helping whenever I can. It sucks though when a person I thought was kind of a friend thinks badly of me.
This brings up another situation I am starting to see with others as well. The constant shit talking!!!! Women are notorious for it and it kills me. My "Mama" talks to me in my head when either I choose to voice a frustration to another or get stuck hearing negative talk from others about many people I personally like. Usually though I point out that I personally like them and that shuts them up pretty quickly, but every once and a while it is like they want me to know all that bad they think about this person anyway. So my "mama" has always said that it is better to sit on the out skirts and be an out cast per say then to get mixed up in it all and cause myself more stress and I don't need to be another negative person. In the end those people are the ones no one wants to work with.
She is right though if you are up beat and you keep to being positive then it always makes you the person that people want to work with. Staying positive is the way I need to stay and let the negative roll off my back. I also have to remind myself that I am a good person but I can't make everyone happy with who I am. Those who see the real me though will know me and appreciate that I am there for them when they need it.
This is the world of a mainly female dominated community. Little spats that always have to be worked out. Doesn't mean that everyone is bad cause everyone has good in them and show it in one way or another.
Glitter on!!!!
Monday, December 2, 2013
Where to fucking start???
Okay so lately I have noticed that I have been all shades of fucking serious on this blog. Well today I would like to share with you stupid shit about my own personal burly shit.
I have one fucking number!!!! That's it just one and I am hating that I only have the one. I have many ideas sprouting up in this pretty little head of mine and I am trying to figure out what to go with first. How is a girl supposed to come up with a new act when she can't even focus on one damn song?? this is my current dilemma and it sucks donkey balls that are huge. Now this problem isn't here because I haven't found inspiration that is one thing that I have plenty of. The issue is what song and costume to begin with.
The other thing that is a problem is that I do not find myself in any way one of the sexy girls in Vegas burlesque. I don't feel sexy and I sure as hell do not make sexy good faces. No I can't even look serious without looking like I might kill a person, I blame being half Mexican and native at that. All I know how to do is smile my shit eating grin and get down with my bad self. Fuck!!!! How these sexy ass bitches do it here I still have not found a way to master yet, I am only a padawan in this department and my Jedi master is still struggling to get this girl to feel confident in her sexy faces. So I get on stage and groove and it turns out great but being sexy just looks silly for me. All of this being said I don't feel okay being sexy on stage but I love being goofy and naked.
Figuring out what song to start with first is so freaking hard. I have wiwddled it down to three songs and now I just need to start with one. But which freaking song???? I have one that is kind of creepy, another that is a sweet ass parody, and the last one that is just plain sexy. I have costumes in my head for two of the three. So it still leaves me with which fucking one?!?!?!?!
Sometimes life is hard as a burlesques ;)
Time to get cracking so I can figure this shit out.
I have one fucking number!!!! That's it just one and I am hating that I only have the one. I have many ideas sprouting up in this pretty little head of mine and I am trying to figure out what to go with first. How is a girl supposed to come up with a new act when she can't even focus on one damn song?? this is my current dilemma and it sucks donkey balls that are huge. Now this problem isn't here because I haven't found inspiration that is one thing that I have plenty of. The issue is what song and costume to begin with.
The other thing that is a problem is that I do not find myself in any way one of the sexy girls in Vegas burlesque. I don't feel sexy and I sure as hell do not make sexy good faces. No I can't even look serious without looking like I might kill a person, I blame being half Mexican and native at that. All I know how to do is smile my shit eating grin and get down with my bad self. Fuck!!!! How these sexy ass bitches do it here I still have not found a way to master yet, I am only a padawan in this department and my Jedi master is still struggling to get this girl to feel confident in her sexy faces. So I get on stage and groove and it turns out great but being sexy just looks silly for me. All of this being said I don't feel okay being sexy on stage but I love being goofy and naked.
Figuring out what song to start with first is so freaking hard. I have wiwddled it down to three songs and now I just need to start with one. But which freaking song???? I have one that is kind of creepy, another that is a sweet ass parody, and the last one that is just plain sexy. I have costumes in my head for two of the three. So it still leaves me with which fucking one?!?!?!?!
Sometimes life is hard as a burlesques ;)
Time to get cracking so I can figure this shit out.
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