Current struggles

So I have been seeing a few struggles pop for me recently. Let me just start with that I am a super social person. I talk A LOT. This is something that I have done my entire life, no joke I got marked for on all my reports cards. I like people in general and judge people based off of my personal experience with them. that being said I have recently come into recent situations where I feel that some people are disliking me at the moment due to personal thoughts of me thinking that I am "better" then others now that I know a lot of my community and talk to almost everyone and help out a lot of people. I also heard things like not showing humility. I hate that anyone out there could think that I am not humble in the new life that I am leading as a performer. Personally I am always trying to show humility by trying to help anyone I can and supporting as many people as I can as well. I have been told in the past that I acted like the mom of the group always there to lend a hand and cheering everyone on as they move forward in their own performing and it is true. This is something that I will never stop doing for others. If any of my local "sisters/ brothers" needed something from me I would be there to assist them in a heart beat. I may do things in a weird way and show my love and support by grabbing all the boobies I can, but I am there smiling and screaming for them to succeed.

So when I start to think that others feel like I am not who I know I am it hurts me. To the point that it is the only thing I can think about. This is where I hear the words of another mentor i have "I don't want people to hate me."  In the world we live in it is inevitable for people to have people disliking you for one reason or another. I have had people I felt closest too so far make me want to cry for a week and had to give up friendships as well since i have begun. It isn't easy and it never will be. Feeling the dislike of people without them coming up to me and asking me what is up kills. And right now I can't say that I am not doing the same thing with this situation. I have yet to go to the horse and here it from them an instead listen to the words of those around me telling me I can't avoid the anger of others no matter how hard I try and sitting in front of my key pad typing away as well.

I will also say in all of this I am not perfect in anyway possible, but I try to show others that I am a caring person by being there and helping whenever I can. It sucks though when a person I thought was kind of a friend thinks badly of me.

This brings up another situation I am starting to see with others as well. The constant shit talking!!!! Women are notorious for it and it kills me. My "Mama" talks to me in my head when either I choose to voice a frustration to another or get stuck hearing negative talk from others about many people I personally like. Usually though I point out that I personally like them and that shuts them up pretty quickly, but every once and a while it is like they want me to know all that bad they think about this person anyway. So my "mama" has always said that it is better to sit on the out skirts and be an out cast per say then to get mixed up in it all and cause myself more stress and I don't need to be another negative person. In the end those people are the ones no one wants to work with.

She is right though if you are up beat and you keep to being positive then it always makes you the person that people want to work with. Staying positive is the way I need to stay and let the negative roll off my back. I also have to remind myself that I am a good person but I can't make everyone happy with who I am. Those who see the real me though will know me and appreciate that I am there for them when they need it.

This is the world of a mainly female dominated community. Little spats that always have to be worked out. Doesn't mean that everyone is bad cause everyone has good in them and show it in one way or another.

Glitter on!!!!