I've said it before that LouLou Roxy gives her fortune cookie advice at the end of class. Well last night she reviewed a few she has given before since we had a new girl join us.
1. Love yourself.
Those are hard words to hear and actually follow for so many, including me. If you think though that's what burlesque is all about. You take what you have and you display it for all to see. You can't enjoy doing this if you don't love yourself. I know I started off wanting to love myself and am finding that I am loving me finally after three years again. Burlesque allows so many to actually love themselves again.
2. Don't listen to comments on YouTube.
This one I love, because no many how many times she says there is always the 14 yro kid from Belgium who shouldn't be making comments anyway. The basis of the whole thing is that you are gonna get people who wanna be mean. Some are just mean people and others are underage and are being supervised so they feel they can say nasty things all over the Internet. And Lou Lou is right if we listened to all the nasty hate out there we would be dragged down and those stupid people would win. It kinda falls under love yourself again. With self love others dumb comments don't matter.
There was one more but unfortunately that fortune cookie has been lost for now. She really needs glittery glammed out fortune cookies for classes. Well if I get enough of her advice on here I might just do that. Yay for fun projects!!!!
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Monday, April 29, 2013
Childish excitement
This past weekend my honey, Amazon, and I went to the monthly Live Burlesque in Las Vegas show. If you come into town at the end of the month you have to see this show its amazing!!!! I was like a little kid in a candy store yelling with great enthusiasm about all the awesome candy I'm seeing. I screamed so much the next day I had no voice. Everyone I saw was amazing. The MC for the night was Lili VonSchtupp from LA. She was hilarious and so fun to watch perform. This was the second show my honey has seen and he had a blast. The first time our Amazon has seen anything like it. I'm glad they came with me. I can't wait to see the next show.
Oh, and Cha Cha Velour did a bearded lady routine that was magnificent!!!!!!
I am loving this world more and more and more each and everyday.
Oh, and Cha Cha Velour did a bearded lady routine that was magnificent!!!!!!
I am loving this world more and more and more each and everyday.
It's getting closer!!!!!
I haven't mentioned, but my course starts freaking Wednesday!!!!!!! That's only a few days away. I'm super freaking excited and at the same time a little scared. It's that whole thing for me where I'm putting myself into a group and I know no one. Those situations scare the hell out of me. I've taken a class from Cha Cha Velour and she was super awesome.
*sidetrack for a moment-I just realized I use super, freaking, awesome, amazing, etc. A SHIT TON. If you think I'm being an ass with this get over it. I'm excited about all this amazing shit and will repeat these words over and over until my little heart is content.*
I'm back....so Cha Cha is great and she has been such a wonderful person to chat with. But what about the other girls. Are they going to be nice people? Am I going to feel like a fool around them? So many questions filled with fear running through my head at this very moment. I'm a chatty person so I know in the end I'll be okay. It's just the first day of something new always makes me want to piss my pants.
On another note kinda dealing with all this. I'm going to start the gym soon. And I want to do the thirty day squat challenge. All of this has encouraged me to want to be healthy again. I was never a super small girl and I don't want to be now. I just want to be comfortable enough to not wear a corset by the time the showcase is here. I want to end in nothing but a thing and pasties. As of this moment I'm not willing to do that. So through my course time which is 12 weeks I want to lose enough inches in the belly area to where I can show it off.
Oh one last thing. I have friends who are coming out from California to see my first performance. I'm actually going to have a lot of people there that first night. Knowing I will have a great support group there makes that day that much more to me. And let's not forget my little ol' mom. I'm a lucky lady to have so many friends ready to come see me take my clothes off. And lucky to have such a husband who supports anything and everything I do. I'm a happy girl.
*sidetrack for a moment-I just realized I use super, freaking, awesome, amazing, etc. A SHIT TON. If you think I'm being an ass with this get over it. I'm excited about all this amazing shit and will repeat these words over and over until my little heart is content.*
I'm back....so Cha Cha is great and she has been such a wonderful person to chat with. But what about the other girls. Are they going to be nice people? Am I going to feel like a fool around them? So many questions filled with fear running through my head at this very moment. I'm a chatty person so I know in the end I'll be okay. It's just the first day of something new always makes me want to piss my pants.
On another note kinda dealing with all this. I'm going to start the gym soon. And I want to do the thirty day squat challenge. All of this has encouraged me to want to be healthy again. I was never a super small girl and I don't want to be now. I just want to be comfortable enough to not wear a corset by the time the showcase is here. I want to end in nothing but a thing and pasties. As of this moment I'm not willing to do that. So through my course time which is 12 weeks I want to lose enough inches in the belly area to where I can show it off.
Oh one last thing. I have friends who are coming out from California to see my first performance. I'm actually going to have a lot of people there that first night. Knowing I will have a great support group there makes that day that much more to me. And let's not forget my little ol' mom. I'm a lucky lady to have so many friends ready to come see me take my clothes off. And lucky to have such a husband who supports anything and everything I do. I'm a happy girl.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Research
So I have been reading a lot of blog posts, books, websites, and watching movies. So far what I have read tells you to research as much as possible. Through everything I've done so far I agree. YouTube has become my best friend. I watch many of the local performers from Vegas and so many more from around the world. It's freaking amazing!!! I love Jo Weldon's book, and so far I have seen A wink and a smile along with Burley Q.
One movie gave a history of burlesque and the other gave journeys of new burlesque dancers. I got to see those who were great women who danced during the biggest times of burlesque. The other gave me a view of Seattle's burlesque scene and a small taste of what my journey is going to be. I need to find more movies to watch. These women that are out there doing amazing acts and those who have lived such hard lives going against the grain of society. For me this is liberation. I have never been a person to want to do what society says is okay and to find these amazing women who stand on their own and do things there way are idols in my eyes.
I love reading about all these great women who were out there in the world doing their thing and feeling great about it. It just makes me happy to see that I'm not the only one pushing boundaries and making life the way I see fit for me. Makes me proud to be me.
Now the only thing I really need to do is get to more shows dang it. Sometimes it's hard. We only have one care until next year so going to every show out there isn't always doable. For now I go to what I can and enjoy the heck out of them. Twisted cherry burlesque, live burlesque in Las Vegas, and the new nerdlesque are all I've seen so far. Well besides a few other shows here and there. Maybe this summer I can do more and maybe even try and help out at a few. I need to get out there!!!!!!!
I kinda sound like a stocker in my head....a burly stocker :p ( in super creepy voice)
One movie gave a history of burlesque and the other gave journeys of new burlesque dancers. I got to see those who were great women who danced during the biggest times of burlesque. The other gave me a view of Seattle's burlesque scene and a small taste of what my journey is going to be. I need to find more movies to watch. These women that are out there doing amazing acts and those who have lived such hard lives going against the grain of society. For me this is liberation. I have never been a person to want to do what society says is okay and to find these amazing women who stand on their own and do things there way are idols in my eyes.
I love reading about all these great women who were out there in the world doing their thing and feeling great about it. It just makes me happy to see that I'm not the only one pushing boundaries and making life the way I see fit for me. Makes me proud to be me.
Now the only thing I really need to do is get to more shows dang it. Sometimes it's hard. We only have one care until next year so going to every show out there isn't always doable. For now I go to what I can and enjoy the heck out of them. Twisted cherry burlesque, live burlesque in Las Vegas, and the new nerdlesque are all I've seen so far. Well besides a few other shows here and there. Maybe this summer I can do more and maybe even try and help out at a few. I need to get out there!!!!!!!
I kinda sound like a stocker in my head....a burly stocker :p ( in super creepy voice)
Missing the shimmy workshop
Can I just say how annoyed I am that I had to miss out on Dusty Summers workshop!!!!!
I know I'm just posting this now, but I just watched her on YouTube again and she was amazing again. She is fantastic and to have been able to be in the same room as her would have made me freakishly happy. Instead I was hanging with my momma and lil guy that day, which was a great reason to miss out. My lil guy was wondering around a park in nothing but a little kilt so he was a great distraction. Still I would have loved to have seen her so close to me and in action. She makes this journey even more awesome, because she is someone to strive to become like.
One day I'll meet her, but for now I will burly swoon on this blog. I think I do this a lot...yah know burly swoon. Anyway, I'll just keep bumping and grinding in the corner over here.
I know I'm just posting this now, but I just watched her on YouTube again and she was amazing again. She is fantastic and to have been able to be in the same room as her would have made me freakishly happy. Instead I was hanging with my momma and lil guy that day, which was a great reason to miss out. My lil guy was wondering around a park in nothing but a little kilt so he was a great distraction. Still I would have loved to have seen her so close to me and in action. She makes this journey even more awesome, because she is someone to strive to become like.
One day I'll meet her, but for now I will burly swoon on this blog. I think I do this a lot...yah know burly swoon. Anyway, I'll just keep bumping and grinding in the corner over here.
My rawest self
So after posting a portion of the forward from the handbook I decided that I would right about my major insecurities and issues I have had over the years with myself and why it has been so hard to love myself. It would make more sense to why the whole burlesque awesomeness is surprising to me making such an impact to how I see myself.
So if you have ever seen a professional dancer from the nineties they were tall and extremely thin. In Vegas all girls in shows had to be at least 5'6 at that time in order to make it past the auditions. Well I grew the last time in my life when I was 11yrs old. And that only got me to the short size of 5'3. Now as for the thin part I was still part of the era where your weight was a huge part of your dancing life. Girls who were slightly thick were always to to look longer don't gain weight etc. well even at 80lbs, which I was from 11 to 13 I still looked twice the size of the girls around me due to my body shape and height. I went through many stages of eating disorders from just plain starving myself to full blown bulimia. I even fluctuated weight from 115-150 through high school as well. So my dream to be a dancer,which I think I was good at, was always being shattered in front of me. In my early adult life I went through spousal fear. Meaning I was starving myself all over again, because of the fear my ex put into me regarding leaving me if I got larger then what I was. So I went up and down between 115- 130 on a regular basis. 130 was the largest I was able to be without fear of losing a man who I now realize didn't love ME. Now the last weight issue I have had was due to the Hellion of a blessing I now have running my life. I went from 145 to 220 the day I went into the hospital. I was a walking, well more like waddling, Buddha. I was swollen, but basically all belly. He took up so much room from day one that people thought I was having multiple children my whole pregnancy. One day ill post a pic. I won't deny I loved rubbing my belly and miss it even to this day. The aftermath was to be the least desirable out come. I ended things with the lower part of my belly stretched out.
Now through all this weight crap I developed horrible coping mechanisms. I am currently working on covering my right arm with tattoos due to scars that I caused to myself over the years when I get overwhelmed. I'm all good now and handle things way better so please don't freak out, I'm just being honest. I also closet ate for years. I did what children do when they have gone through periods of starving. I would go and eat something really bad for me while no one was watching. Not such great things I have done to myself due to overwhelming emotions and the strong desire to be thin.
Now luckily I met the most amazing man. Well didn't really meet him but opened my eyes up and truly saw him for the first time. My husband in a way helped save me. We had known each other for many years and when I left my ex he offered to show me what it was like to truly be loved by someone unconditionally. Once I felt that I have refused to ever go away. Because of this one man I began to feel a bit better about me. Burlesque comes in and fills in all the major gaps since I have had my Lil guy. After having a baby and most of you doesn't return to its previous look you tend to start feeling less sexy.
For a while I was wearing things that hid me. Baggie dresses and lots of gaucho pants. Even when I began my still slow transformation into pinup style clothing I would stay with more flowing skirts. Since I started my classes I went and bought myself three different pencil skirts and tight fitting tops. And yah know what I love looking at me in them. I feel great wearing them. The confidence is slow but I am feeling fantastic so far. I'm really glad I decided to finally give it a shot instead of saying that I could and never doing.
So if you have ever seen a professional dancer from the nineties they were tall and extremely thin. In Vegas all girls in shows had to be at least 5'6 at that time in order to make it past the auditions. Well I grew the last time in my life when I was 11yrs old. And that only got me to the short size of 5'3. Now as for the thin part I was still part of the era where your weight was a huge part of your dancing life. Girls who were slightly thick were always to to look longer don't gain weight etc. well even at 80lbs, which I was from 11 to 13 I still looked twice the size of the girls around me due to my body shape and height. I went through many stages of eating disorders from just plain starving myself to full blown bulimia. I even fluctuated weight from 115-150 through high school as well. So my dream to be a dancer,which I think I was good at, was always being shattered in front of me. In my early adult life I went through spousal fear. Meaning I was starving myself all over again, because of the fear my ex put into me regarding leaving me if I got larger then what I was. So I went up and down between 115- 130 on a regular basis. 130 was the largest I was able to be without fear of losing a man who I now realize didn't love ME. Now the last weight issue I have had was due to the Hellion of a blessing I now have running my life. I went from 145 to 220 the day I went into the hospital. I was a walking, well more like waddling, Buddha. I was swollen, but basically all belly. He took up so much room from day one that people thought I was having multiple children my whole pregnancy. One day ill post a pic. I won't deny I loved rubbing my belly and miss it even to this day. The aftermath was to be the least desirable out come. I ended things with the lower part of my belly stretched out.
Now through all this weight crap I developed horrible coping mechanisms. I am currently working on covering my right arm with tattoos due to scars that I caused to myself over the years when I get overwhelmed. I'm all good now and handle things way better so please don't freak out, I'm just being honest. I also closet ate for years. I did what children do when they have gone through periods of starving. I would go and eat something really bad for me while no one was watching. Not such great things I have done to myself due to overwhelming emotions and the strong desire to be thin.
Now luckily I met the most amazing man. Well didn't really meet him but opened my eyes up and truly saw him for the first time. My husband in a way helped save me. We had known each other for many years and when I left my ex he offered to show me what it was like to truly be loved by someone unconditionally. Once I felt that I have refused to ever go away. Because of this one man I began to feel a bit better about me. Burlesque comes in and fills in all the major gaps since I have had my Lil guy. After having a baby and most of you doesn't return to its previous look you tend to start feeling less sexy.
For a while I was wearing things that hid me. Baggie dresses and lots of gaucho pants. Even when I began my still slow transformation into pinup style clothing I would stay with more flowing skirts. Since I started my classes I went and bought myself three different pencil skirts and tight fitting tops. And yah know what I love looking at me in them. I feel great wearing them. The confidence is slow but I am feeling fantastic so far. I'm really glad I decided to finally give it a shot instead of saying that I could and never doing.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Going through the Handbook
Honestly until I started this adventure I would have never gathered there was a handbook out there to read and learn from. Granted this isn't a text book, but it's great. My favorite so far is the forward by Margret Cho. I'm gonna post a section from her forward that screamed at me while reading it. She says all the things I want to tell the world about how I'm feeling about what I'm doing.
"After seeing my first burlesque show, I was obsessed with trying it myself. It wasn't so much that I had such an exhibitionist streak in me-it was more that I was seeking to silence the constant drone of self-hatred that ran on in my head. Even though I had talked a lot about the importance of self-acceptance and self- esteem in my work, I hadn't found total peace with myself or body. There was always something I wanted to fix or change, and my weight was always the focal point of my happiness . However, when I would see a dancer who was larger than me be beautiful and happy and perfect in the moment of her lovingly choreographed routine, wearing an outrageous costume, then taking it off-I felt a freedom within myself that was unparalleled. I saw that happiness didn't have to be a smaller size; it was an attitude.i didn't have to diet, I just had to put on pasties! What a revelation! I realized that feeling beautiful had power and political potential."
-Margaret Cho forward in The Burlesque Handbook by Jo Wheldon
Honestly after reading that aloud to my hubby on the road trip home from California I felt lifted in such a fantastic way. I got super excited and was telling him how what she just said is what I feel. He was all smiles for me telling that he was so happy that this was making me feel this way.
I am really learning to love myself for the first time in a very long time.
"After seeing my first burlesque show, I was obsessed with trying it myself. It wasn't so much that I had such an exhibitionist streak in me-it was more that I was seeking to silence the constant drone of self-hatred that ran on in my head. Even though I had talked a lot about the importance of self-acceptance and self- esteem in my work, I hadn't found total peace with myself or body. There was always something I wanted to fix or change, and my weight was always the focal point of my happiness . However, when I would see a dancer who was larger than me be beautiful and happy and perfect in the moment of her lovingly choreographed routine, wearing an outrageous costume, then taking it off-I felt a freedom within myself that was unparalleled. I saw that happiness didn't have to be a smaller size; it was an attitude.i didn't have to diet, I just had to put on pasties! What a revelation! I realized that feeling beautiful had power and political potential."
-Margaret Cho forward in The Burlesque Handbook by Jo Wheldon
Honestly after reading that aloud to my hubby on the road trip home from California I felt lifted in such a fantastic way. I got super excited and was telling him how what she just said is what I feel. He was all smiles for me telling that he was so happy that this was making me feel this way.
I am really learning to love myself for the first time in a very long time.
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