Wonderful surprises

So there have been people in the community that when I first met them I didn't necessarily like them. The had an air of snob about them or they weren't nice to me or someone I knew. But by putting my dislikes aside and being polite they pleasantly surprised me over time. When being met with kindness always and my initiated conversations they started to grow on me. I have found inspiration from those I didn't like initially and I have even told them they are inspiration to me as well. Does this mean we are best friends? Of course not, but it does mean I enjoy their company when I see them briefly at shows or when I work with them. And in the end they continue to surprise me with kindness back. 

Being surprised by people is one of my favorites. They always make my heart swell a little to be proven wrong and put a smile on my face. I kind of like being proven wrong from time to time. It reminds me to chose kindness over anything else.

 

On a similar note first impressions should never be the ones you keep forever of someone. I recently heard of someone who thought many hated her and that us burlesquers were bitchy. Now knowing that isn't true I wrote a rant on Facebook about giving people a chance and never letting your first impression or your friends opinions keep you from talking to any of us. We are all pretty cool people and easy to get along with. Times not to try and talk up. A performer is right before a show. We all get nervous and begin to focus, I know I do. But if you take the time to go up and introduce yourself most of us will sit and chat or let you join in on the crazy convo we are having. I know that in the beginning I had to start introducing myself to people before given the time of day. I used Facebook or their performance to use as a way to say hi. Over time most started just chatting with me. It helps that I always have a smile and I hug boobs, don't steal my boob grabs their mine damn it. I have been shown kindness from some of the most unlikely people in my mind. 

Most recent person to show me kindness I didn't think I was cool enough to get was the wonderful Vi-Vacious. Outside of Burlesque I don't wear make up heavy and my hair is almost always up. I pulled my hair out of curlers at the show and I looked like a fucked up version of Shirley Temple. Vi-Vacious came to my rescue! She was in the show and had her own shit to be doing and she stopped and helped fix my hair along with giving me tips the whole time. I was humbled by her generosity and her kindness she had shown me. I thanked her several times and felt amazing the rest of the night because of it. I didn't think I was cool enough to be anywhere near her world and she let me. This proves that you can't just sit back and assume that everyone is a bitch, too cool, or mean. They need the chance to prove you wrong so give it to them.

Personal share time!!!

So I have been writing about me personally in my head for I this but have never actually sat down and posted the stuff I wanted too. So now I will spend time being open, honest and maybe a little emotional.

So we all know by now I am a mom...this isn't something most performers here are. Well if they do have kids they're older so it gives them their freedom back. I in the other hand have a toddler boy on my hands. This being said he is pretty awesome. He goes to rehearsals with me, shops for burly stuff with me, and even puts his make up on while I'm doing the same for a show. But it does mean I can't stay out till 6a.m. And I do have to miss out on shows and other fun stuff because he is number 1. But for the most part the girls that I am super close with all know him and don't mind the tag along when I have him, thank goodness or I'd be lonely.

The other too priority is my hubs. We all know him and he is always known as Mr. Badcock by everyone now a days. Us as a duo are unlike any other. We are both super social and flirty. In the Vegas community it seems a bit out of the norm to be who we are, but I love him and he loves me. I also get the always awkward question (for others not me) if we are in an open relationship. The overly flirts that we are wwe don't hide who we are ever. I always answer truthfully which is a big fat yes! For a while the woman he was dating was at my shows all the time and I had the two biggest fans shouting for me in the audience. The best part about answering everyone's question are all the questions after the big yes happens. Some are like "yah that's cool" and "others are all you are crazy why?" Well in all honesty we are who we are and we love to love. Does being this way have it's down falls? Well of course it does people love to have reasons to talk and hate. So I say let them talk I don't need a bunch of nasty people as friends who talk shit so I keep those who are true close and am polite to everyone else. 

Polite!  Hah this seems to be something that people mistake as being fake. I don't like being a hater. When I find myself in situations where I am being a hater in any way I try and fix that quickly. No one needs to be an ugly person it's a choice. I was asked once why I didn't hate a person and it's because I don't have room for hate. In all honesty as negative as this person is I miss them. I don't like being friends with someone I once was friends with. And it kills me that I see them at all the shows and I avoid them because their negativity got to be too much for me to handle. It makes me sad on the daily, but sometimes you have to let go of the people who bring you down with them. Still I digress, I am polite to everyone and recently I saw a post on Facebook saying "Being polite doesn't make me fake. It means I was taught manners." It's true I was taught to be polite by my little southern mama. And wanting to be a happy person in life I don't want to be nasty so I am polite. Being polite does not mean I am friends with every single person I speak with it means I am trying to show kindness.

How time flys!!!!

So it's been over a month since I have written a damn thing. So I guess this post will be a recap of fancy shit that's been going on. 

January was a CRAZY month. I hadn't talked much about it but for a few months I had been working on a group number with the entire intention to apply to BHOF Weekender. This is the biggest competition and burlesque weekend. On top of that it is held here in Vegas yearly. It's been a roller coaster of high emotions, love, and hard ass work. We did our promo photos and videoed our number. I love this number and the crazy chicks we have in it. Now we are just getting ready for performances until we get our application letter back in March.

I also had the privealage of being a Billy Club Girl in a show called Pink Tease. I have to say it was an awesome experience. I got to work with my crush Billy Boy. He hasn't been a burlesque performer for very long but he is a magnificent performer and such a freaking sweet heart. It's inspiring when you get to see the real side of someone when you are working with them. He had all of these ideas that were magnificent. He produced the first Live Burlesque in Las Vegas show of the year. and I have to say it was wonderful!!! I got to be one of his special bitches during the show that included performing with him too. He had amazing performers in his show many who we all know and one special guest I was all dumb with because she is amazing. Feeling honored about being on the stage with these beauties still and always will! 

Through working with them I was confirmed to be in the next LBLV (Live Burlesque in Las Vegas) this month too. It means a whole new number that I will have whipped up with some assistance from my lovely mentors. This was huge for me since I had thought I lost my chance to be in it since all the others I knew who were in it were vets in the community and over all amazing performers. So as of right now I am freaking out daily over making sure I don't fuck this opportunity up.

So life is filled with glitter and music!!!

Dance on bitches and be fabulous!

2013 review time bitches!!!!!!!!!

So this last year has been an interesting one for me. I spent the beginning of it traveling back and forth from Vegas to San Diego being a major geek. I also struggled with trying to figure out my marriage and it's few struggles, which I think I figured out finally. Then came my burlesque Mama and her lovely smiling face that convinced me that taking the intensive would be right for me. When starting the classes I was struggling with my fat and had a decreased value of my personal value. I also met some of the most beautiful faces I now call friends.  I'd have to say that with all the personal struggles I might have had this last year was a good one.

I've never looked at a year through pros and cons before so here we go

PROS
1. Another year with my adorable lil boo
2. My man and I are still strong
3. BURLESQUE MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!!!!
4. I now have female friends
5. I have gained an awesome and wise support group
6. This has been the year of family for me and I am so grateful to still have my mom as a big supporter
7. I gained my self esteem back
8. I stood up for myself when in the past I would never have done it
9. I learned I may get my BFF back within a short driving distance again


CONS
1. It was the year of fighting between me and hubs, passionately that always lead to weeks of exhaustion
2. I lost a friend
3. I have eaten so much good food I've gained more weight then I would have liked....well I'm not sure if this is a pro or con.

So 2014 is going to be the year of focus on my performance ability, making sure I balance my home and drag life a little better, learn to fucking sew, spend more time with my mom, and it needs to be the year of making shit happen!!!!!!

Song update!!!!!!

So pretend you are listening to bad horn music coming from me.

I heard back from one of the girls I sent a message to over a song I want to use!!!!!!! Yay being polite is not a lost cause. At first I was thinking that I would only tell you from my own words how it went down. But Now i have going to give you the conversation instead cause I was way too happy to see her answer. Now I won't give you what I said because you would know what the surprise number is to be and until I am ready to reveal it not even you lovelies can know about it.

"Thank you for asking. Too many times people just take a song or an idea without even looking into who else might already be working with it. Feel free and if you record it I would love to see it! My act was from the perspective of the girl in the well so it sounds like a whole new approach.

Good luck!"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....this was so fucking exciting to see pop up in my Facebook message box. This shows you all that if you spend a little time researching you can make sure you aren't "stealing" and gain a little respect from reaching out as well. Woo Fucking Hoo!!!!!!

Doing the troupe thing!!!!!

So I know I have only been in the scene for a short period of time but I have started working on a troupe number with a friend of mine. She is a newer friend since I just got to work with her for the first time back in October and since then we have hit it off big time. She is a great person to chit chat with and has wise words for me from time to time when I need them as well. The same number I worked on with her a few months ago we decided to try and make a larger number out of, add an extra minute, and then apply to BHOF weekend 2014. If you don't have a clue what this is it is the benefit weekend to support the BOHF(Burlesque Hall of Fame) Museum. They hold the biggest competition ever and holds Miss Exotic World the longest running burlesque solo performer competition. So if they get enough group numbers into the competition night then you get to actually compete. My friends number is awesome and we ended up tweaking it together in the end. So I said why not we should do this and we began the process.

So as noobs to the world of getting a group number into a competition we are taking this very seriously. We held an audition to fill some of the spots we had. Set our rehearsals for weekly 2 hours and take no excuses, unless you are sick of course. We even made everyone sign contracts so we saw that people were serious about being a part of this vision we have. Now we have 7 girls and an alternate who have been taught the entire number and we are prepping for costumes, photos and soon a video.  This shit is no fucking joke peeps!

The BHOF competition is no joke either, It is held here in Sin City every year and has been for over a decade now. What I find weird is that not a lot of Vegas performers have gotten into the competition. So finding out what to do was a solo thing I did and decided that we were to be determined to get in this year. We started three weeks ago and have to have our video in by the 27th of January along with videos...HOLY SHIT!!!!! I am not gonna lie this is the biggest thing I have ever tried to be a part of and I am super fucking excited. I am not gonna lie I am a little bit scared a swell.

The one major thing that makes me the happiest is that We ended up wit ha great group of ladies. The one major thing I wanted to see done was several body types being represented so we had a great spectrum of people on stage. It doesn't hurt that all of these ladies are super positive and make our early mornings good ones, even if some of us have hangovers from the burly night before.  They have all help me grow a little in this short time we have been together so far. I am looking forward to growing with all of them and learning some more.

I feel very privileged to be a part of this group and the vision we have going.

Current struggles

So I have been seeing a few struggles pop for me recently. Let me just start with that I am a super social person. I talk A LOT. This is something that I have done my entire life, no joke I got marked for on all my reports cards. I like people in general and judge people based off of my personal experience with them. that being said I have recently come into recent situations where I feel that some people are disliking me at the moment due to personal thoughts of me thinking that I am "better" then others now that I know a lot of my community and talk to almost everyone and help out a lot of people. I also heard things like not showing humility. I hate that anyone out there could think that I am not humble in the new life that I am leading as a performer. Personally I am always trying to show humility by trying to help anyone I can and supporting as many people as I can as well. I have been told in the past that I acted like the mom of the group always there to lend a hand and cheering everyone on as they move forward in their own performing and it is true. This is something that I will never stop doing for others. If any of my local "sisters/ brothers" needed something from me I would be there to assist them in a heart beat. I may do things in a weird way and show my love and support by grabbing all the boobies I can, but I am there smiling and screaming for them to succeed.

So when I start to think that others feel like I am not who I know I am it hurts me. To the point that it is the only thing I can think about. This is where I hear the words of another mentor i have "I don't want people to hate me."  In the world we live in it is inevitable for people to have people disliking you for one reason or another. I have had people I felt closest too so far make me want to cry for a week and had to give up friendships as well since i have begun. It isn't easy and it never will be. Feeling the dislike of people without them coming up to me and asking me what is up kills. And right now I can't say that I am not doing the same thing with this situation. I have yet to go to the horse and here it from them an instead listen to the words of those around me telling me I can't avoid the anger of others no matter how hard I try and sitting in front of my key pad typing away as well.

I will also say in all of this I am not perfect in anyway possible, but I try to show others that I am a caring person by being there and helping whenever I can. It sucks though when a person I thought was kind of a friend thinks badly of me.

This brings up another situation I am starting to see with others as well. The constant shit talking!!!! Women are notorious for it and it kills me. My "Mama" talks to me in my head when either I choose to voice a frustration to another or get stuck hearing negative talk from others about many people I personally like. Usually though I point out that I personally like them and that shuts them up pretty quickly, but every once and a while it is like they want me to know all that bad they think about this person anyway. So my "mama" has always said that it is better to sit on the out skirts and be an out cast per say then to get mixed up in it all and cause myself more stress and I don't need to be another negative person. In the end those people are the ones no one wants to work with.

She is right though if you are up beat and you keep to being positive then it always makes you the person that people want to work with. Staying positive is the way I need to stay and let the negative roll off my back. I also have to remind myself that I am a good person but I can't make everyone happy with who I am. Those who see the real me though will know me and appreciate that I am there for them when they need it.

This is the world of a mainly female dominated community. Little spats that always have to be worked out. Doesn't mean that everyone is bad cause everyone has good in them and show it in one way or another.

Glitter on!!!!